Tsunamis

This particular day and blog is dedicated to Nancy White Carmack for her unwavering faith and effervescent heart.

You can read her blog at:  Nancy's blog

The thought occurred to me last night; I was thinking about my "tsunamis."    Was I handling them well?  The answer was a resounding, "NO!"

I have been struggling with my prayer life.  Meditation has been difficult at best.  Keeping my Lenten promises have loomed more like weights on my heart then the freedom praying offers.  But last night was different.  I realized that like in a tsunami, separation occurs.  Separation of everything I hold as true, real and viable in my life.  While the experience is horrific, whether physical or mental, its our reaction that dictates the outcome.  How we react to that "separation" that we thought was our life will speak volumes of who we are.

Watching the news, it's clear that the Japanese people and their culture speaks volumes.  Their kindness, their RESPECT above everything else - and even before the worst is over it's family, children, the human factor first.

My tsunamis were taking over.  It was evident while praying my rosary.  I burst into tears as I prayed "Hail, Holy Queen..."Pray for us, O holy Mother of God, that we may be made worthy of the promises of God."  Then it came to me.  I had prayed the Sorrowful Mysteries this evening and I was reminded of a particular meditation I had experienced in my younger years.  The first Sorrowful Mystery is the Agony in the Garden.  In my meditation I could see Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane, praying intensely, and I in my arrogance asked him what I could do for him.  He turned to me, angry and said, "What can you do for me?  What can I do for you?"  His answer startled me and brought me back to my waking state.  Strangely,  if your Catholic, you know that the Sorrowful mysteries are to be prayed on Tuesdays...it was Monday night.

Nonetheless, it made me see my trivial, petty, mundane tsunamis I was carrying while our Lord was carrying the weight of the world and he was still asking me what he could do for me.

He had already done it...I was just having difficulty letting go.  I knew what I had to do and it wasn't going to be easy.  But God had already done most of the work for me, I just needed to open my eyes and my heart and trust him.  It was "a dark night of the soul" last night, but I finally placed it in God's hands trusting he would show me.

This morning, my answer and affirmation was there clear and open.  I felt the tears wash my face, as they also washed my heart when I read Nancy's blog...and peace rushed in.

Nancy, you are a blessing.

They say that insanity is expecting change when you keep doing the same thing over and over again.  While the process was devastating, I am still standing, still able...and WILLING to start over.  For that, I am grateful, to be able to let go, to let the peace rush in.

God Bless!

Peace!