Yesterday, I said goodbye to a very gentle and beautiful lady, Sarita Balli Hinojosa. I met Sarita through her husband, Joe, when Ralph and I joined the small church community at Holy Spirit Church over 15 years ago. Back then Sarita would stand quietly by her husband and listen to our plans to bring in more participants. Later, Sarita's and my conversations were about our daughters...my Diana and Adri at McHi and her Celestina at Nikki Rowe. Diana was a Stepper captain, Adri in band, and Celestina was in the Rowe Band. Both Diana and Celestina would be graduating in the year 2000. We experienced their Confirmation together and shared a love for crafts. We would see each other at Holy Spirit Catholic Church until 2006 when there was a big rift in our church and it seemed like we were split in half. Sarita and Joe continued at Holy Spirit. Ralph and I started church hopping.
Somewhere in there, Sarita was diagnosed with breast cancer. I didn't know the severity of her illness during that time because despite her struggles, Sarita blossomed. Shy, gentle Sarita found her voice and her faith strengthened so that you never saw her sad. Quite the opposite, there was a peace about her...she knew something so many of us continue to seek.
This year, months would go by and no Sarita...Joe, yes, usually at our local H.E.B. where he would catch us up on Sarita's progress. Joe was always full of hope...Sarita WAS hope.
Ralph and I got into the habit of going to Adoration on Fridays. It was on those days Sarita would be heaviest on my mind. I would offer a rosary for her. But in September my own struggles were overwhelming me and I would think of Sarita and tell myself how Sarita would have a smile for everyone and anyone. My burden was nothing compared to what she was experiencing. She had gone into the hospital with a set back but was released after a while. I wondered how she was doing and the next day at Saturday mass, I saw Sarita and Joe. Sarita had good news...the doctors saw signs of remission. I was so thankful, so grateful to God for the good news...but it was short lived. A few weeks later in October, they told her she had only weeks to live.
I would have crumbled...but not Sarita, "it's in God's hand, and His will will be done." She continued her battle and I into my silence. There were no words I could say, nothing would come out. I admired her strength, her faith, and her love of the Lord. I could only smile an affirm that she was in God's arms. She made it through Thanksgiving. I was glad there was no news. She made it through Christmas... What did doctor's know, I thought.
On Friday, December 27th, Sarita took her last breath and joined our Lord.
This has been so devastating to me on so many levels. At her services were all the wonderful faces of my community family that was once so vibrant, so alive. Father Jerry - how I miss Father Jerry - was there to lead her mass. It reminded me of a painful, yet glorious time of my life when my small church faith community embraced me and saved my wretched soul. Crawford Higgins, now a deacon, was there yesterday and today, Manuel Mata, my teacher and friend, Olga Serna, who lifted me up when no one could, familiar faces, pillars of my church. My heart broke in a million pieces at Sarita's service. I couldn't stop the tears. But at the end, there was peace.
You see, one year ago today, I lay dying. I felt my life slipping away and I spent New Year's Eve in the Emergency Room then transported to ICU at McAllen Regional. I spent New Year's Day and next two days trying to make it back. I remember that night, my sister, Velma, telling me I was NOT going to die, she wouldn't let me. But I remember wanting to. Everything around me was painful, television, the news, betrayal, people suffering, people angry, people hungry, the thought of food and the smell of food making me sick, even hearing music hurt. I felt this overwhelming evil, I was drowning in fear - it was terrifying.
One whole year...struggling, not to make it back, but to be in a better place. And here I was, back at Holy Spirit Parish Hall. It was good seeing my friends - hearing their stories, sharing their faith...I felt home again. I laughed at myself. That's what Sarita would say..."Live to the fullest, love much, and laugh often..."
In September, Ralph and I cut off cable TV, the newspaper, my only indulgence, Facebook, I can turn off when it gets to be too much.
I don't know why I came to be in this place. Maybe it was the accident two years ago that took so much from me. My freedom to move, to dance, to walk freely without pain or maybe because I allowed individuals to take my peace, my inner peace.
Nah...Sarita's journey reminded me it's still here. Sometimes when I ask God to heal me...the pain ceases for a while and I think it's gone and I thank him. But then I'll move suddenly throwing off my balance and my pain returns... But I know others have it worse than I do and they continue to live to the fullest, love much and laugh often. - tell it like it is, Sarita!
Rest in peace, my dear, sweet friend...
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Thursday, June 6, 2013
Punkin is in a better place...
Punkin
June 4, 2009 - June 5, 2013
Punkin is the sweetest little girl you could ever want. She's a lap dog...as soon as you'd sit down, she'd be on your lap. She loves chasing a laser light and fetching her ball. Everyday has been filled with tears watching our baby suffer. She has such a will to live...it's been hard.
Yesterday, we had to make the hardest decision we've ever had to make... She had a large mass that was not allowing her to keep food down - it got so bad she wasn't able to keep water down, either. But her little body would keep going. Every morning in spite of her pain she'd be excited to go for our walks...she'd be so sick but she wanted to be with us. In the evening as soon as it was getting dark she would stand waiting for the laser game to begin.
My little Punkin, our hearts are breaking. We couldn't see you suffer anymore. We hope you're at peace, running with Sandy and Keasha. I love you, my little mighty Punkin. When my day comes...I hope you'll be waiting for me at the rainbow bridge...because I'll be looking for you.
* * *
I've had been taking Punkin to the vets regularly. Sometimes they've had to do tests so we would have to wait around in the waiting room. On the south side of the wall, there is a collage of photographs of all the different pets they've taken care of over the years.Well, while admiring all the photos, I found this photograph...I believe it's their parents...I know many of you have been with me since I acquired my puppies, Punkin, Peggy Sue, Sugar and Gracie Lou. Punkin's and Peggy Sue's parents were pedigree dogs, the mother was a Jack Russell and the father was a Fox Terrier. Combining two pedigrees of different breeds produces what is called a hybrid. Punkin and Peggy Sue are hybrids. We used to see their parents in their back yard whenever we'd walk them on the back trail in our neighborhood. It's been a while since we've seen them. We've had Punkin and Peggy Sue since they were six weeks old and they turned four years old June 4th. It's been over a year that we hadn't seen their parents.I often regretted not photographing their parents. They were beautiful dogs. I believe these were their parents.
This is Ralph holding Peggy Sue and Punkin when we first got them.
This is Peggy Sue, Punkin....and Sugar all grown up.
I don't want to jump to the conclusion that they're no longer with us because we haven't seen them in their home's back yard. But if they're not...I'd like to think they welcomed Punkin if animals have the same experience as humans. I hope so...I don't want Punkin to be alone.
My little Punkin...you were such a comfort to me and a great companion, I miss you so, so much.
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
I love our dogs...
It's been a while since I blogged. Truth be told...I find blogging tedious. Not because I don't enjoy the writing...it's posting it correctly, deciphering the lingo - that's tedious to me. It totally turns me off to blogging but I do miss it, so here I am.
Most recently Punkin, our little fox terrier, has been very ill. It's been difficult watching her suffer. But like any suffering, it makes you reflect. My reflection took me back to the days when we first were blessed with our tiny companions. Most friends know this story but just to refresh everyone's memory, this is how it began:
It all started with a conversation I had with my neighbor across the street. Sandra D, our chow chow, was getting old and I commented to my neighbor that I'd like to possibly adopt two puppies when the time comes since I noticed Sandra D was alone with no one to play with. In actuality, I think Sandy preferred it that way; she had us all to herself.
It was just a conversation, but on my brother's birthday, May 3, 2009, while celebrating his birthday at our home, my neighbor shows up with two little black Boston Terrier/Chihuahua mix puppies, now known as Le Suge Avery, (Sugar) and Gracie Lou Freebush (Gracie Lou). Ralph and I decided to give it a try...they were so cute. Sugar looked like a miniature lab and Gracie Lou looked like a little graceful gazelle. The only ones that weren't thrilled were my mom and Sandra D.
It wasn't long (less than two months) that our neighbor tells us about their friend who had two puppies that he couldn't find a home for. Could I take one, he asked. They were Jack Russel/Fox terrier hybrids. Call me crazy but I love Jack Russel dogs. It wouldn't hurt to go look, I thought.
Well, our look see did hurt. They were only six weeks old. The tinier puppy looked just like the dad, a fox terrier and the other one looked like the mom, a Jack Russel. Here's the thing...the owner would dump a can of dog food in a bowl and it was a free for all between the two tiny puppies and their parents. Guess who would win...and guess who was getting beat up? Ralph thought we could take the smaller puppy. I looked at Ralph and asked him if he could find it in his heart to take the two...I couldn't leave the Jack Russel behind, she already had a big gash on her neck.
Well, if you know Ralph, you know he couldn't leave one behind. Welcome, Punkin and Peggy Sue! So next thing we now have five dogs. Yes, it was a mad house but at the time Diana and Adri were still home and we couldn't have potty trained nor crate trained them without their help.
No one will understand, except another pet lover, what this amazing animals do for our soul. They wrap around your heart like a warm blanket and kick start your heart with every lick and wag of their tail.
In the beginning of 2010, we'd walk Sugar and Gracie Lou down the 2nd street trail. Since Punkin and Peggy Sue were too tiny, I'd carry them in a big green gingham baby bag. We'd walk 3-4 miles a day. Before you knew it, I was losing weight, something I'd been unsuccessful at for a while. What a surprise!
A few months into 2010, both my daughters, Diana and Adri, move out. Adri took Gracie Lou with her and is now my daughter's beloved companion.
Life progressed and over the next two years, they have been our constants. On April Fool's day, 2012, one day after the hail storm of the century, our beloved Sandra D passed on and crossed the Rainbow Bridge. We miss her dearly.
In October, 2012, Punkin fell ill and we found out it was an unusual parasite. Sugar and Peggy Sue were unaffected. It took three months for Punkin to recover. Unfortunately, this parasite caused cells to develop a mass of some type and about six weeks ago, Punkin began getting sick, vomiting daily. The vet gave her every test imaginable, confirmed the mass but we'd have to take her to a specialist animal hospital in San Antonio for further testing. He told us more than likely the mass was malignant. Sadly, economically we're unable to handle the cost.
She was so sick, we had scheduled to put her down on May 1st but couldn't do it. For ten days we made every effort to make her as comfortable as possible. We kept praying hoping for the best but still no improvement. By May 10th, we scheduled her again. This time her original vet, Dr. Roge', saw her. We asked what else could we do. We didn't want to put her down. All I know, is God must have been guiding this young veterinarian because the medications she chose and the care she gave has made a big difference in Punkin's quality of life. The mass is not gone bu she's doing so much better. God answered our prayers. I'm still pray for a miracle for the mass to disappear.
I'm going to do a little back tracking. Ralph and I were in a hit and run accident back in August, 2011. It injured my feet and back and we went through extensive therapy for about eight months. In those long eight months, I gained all the weight and then some that I had lost when we initially began walking. Unable to regain my physical strength in my feet our walks had discontinued. With the help of an oscillating exercise machine, I've recovered a lot of my mobility but hadn't gone back to our walking.
In January, 2012, I almost lost my life from a reaction to medication I was taking for what I thought was the flu...it scared me so much, it prompted me to make many changes. One of them was getting back to walking our pets so I pushed myself to walk despite my injury. Now, as long as I walk on a level surface, I can walk daily and our puppies need to be walked. I went from 15 minutes on the treadmill to 1 hour daily and we walk our dogs every morning on the Bicentennial trail. I've lost over 50 lbs. and feel so much better.
While it has been a combination of many things that have brought me to where I am today, looking back I realize our decision to save the two sets of puppies have been a Godsend. I am so blessed to be able to walk them everyday and a blessing to care for them. We may have thought we saved them...but I know they saved me.
Later...a picture of who I think are Peggy Sue's and Punkin's parents...found it on the wall of our pets animal care clinic...wait and see!!!
Most recently Punkin, our little fox terrier, has been very ill. It's been difficult watching her suffer. But like any suffering, it makes you reflect. My reflection took me back to the days when we first were blessed with our tiny companions. Most friends know this story but just to refresh everyone's memory, this is how it began:
It all started with a conversation I had with my neighbor across the street. Sandra D, our chow chow, was getting old and I commented to my neighbor that I'd like to possibly adopt two puppies when the time comes since I noticed Sandra D was alone with no one to play with. In actuality, I think Sandy preferred it that way; she had us all to herself.
It was just a conversation, but on my brother's birthday, May 3, 2009, while celebrating his birthday at our home, my neighbor shows up with two little black Boston Terrier/Chihuahua mix puppies, now known as Le Suge Avery, (Sugar) and Gracie Lou Freebush (Gracie Lou). Ralph and I decided to give it a try...they were so cute. Sugar looked like a miniature lab and Gracie Lou looked like a little graceful gazelle. The only ones that weren't thrilled were my mom and Sandra D.
It wasn't long (less than two months) that our neighbor tells us about their friend who had two puppies that he couldn't find a home for. Could I take one, he asked. They were Jack Russel/Fox terrier hybrids. Call me crazy but I love Jack Russel dogs. It wouldn't hurt to go look, I thought.
Well, our look see did hurt. They were only six weeks old. The tinier puppy looked just like the dad, a fox terrier and the other one looked like the mom, a Jack Russel. Here's the thing...the owner would dump a can of dog food in a bowl and it was a free for all between the two tiny puppies and their parents. Guess who would win...and guess who was getting beat up? Ralph thought we could take the smaller puppy. I looked at Ralph and asked him if he could find it in his heart to take the two...I couldn't leave the Jack Russel behind, she already had a big gash on her neck.
Well, if you know Ralph, you know he couldn't leave one behind. Welcome, Punkin and Peggy Sue! So next thing we now have five dogs. Yes, it was a mad house but at the time Diana and Adri were still home and we couldn't have potty trained nor crate trained them without their help.
No one will understand, except another pet lover, what this amazing animals do for our soul. They wrap around your heart like a warm blanket and kick start your heart with every lick and wag of their tail.
In the beginning of 2010, we'd walk Sugar and Gracie Lou down the 2nd street trail. Since Punkin and Peggy Sue were too tiny, I'd carry them in a big green gingham baby bag. We'd walk 3-4 miles a day. Before you knew it, I was losing weight, something I'd been unsuccessful at for a while. What a surprise!
A few months into 2010, both my daughters, Diana and Adri, move out. Adri took Gracie Lou with her and is now my daughter's beloved companion.
Life progressed and over the next two years, they have been our constants. On April Fool's day, 2012, one day after the hail storm of the century, our beloved Sandra D passed on and crossed the Rainbow Bridge. We miss her dearly.
In October, 2012, Punkin fell ill and we found out it was an unusual parasite. Sugar and Peggy Sue were unaffected. It took three months for Punkin to recover. Unfortunately, this parasite caused cells to develop a mass of some type and about six weeks ago, Punkin began getting sick, vomiting daily. The vet gave her every test imaginable, confirmed the mass but we'd have to take her to a specialist animal hospital in San Antonio for further testing. He told us more than likely the mass was malignant. Sadly, economically we're unable to handle the cost.
She was so sick, we had scheduled to put her down on May 1st but couldn't do it. For ten days we made every effort to make her as comfortable as possible. We kept praying hoping for the best but still no improvement. By May 10th, we scheduled her again. This time her original vet, Dr. Roge', saw her. We asked what else could we do. We didn't want to put her down. All I know, is God must have been guiding this young veterinarian because the medications she chose and the care she gave has made a big difference in Punkin's quality of life. The mass is not gone bu she's doing so much better. God answered our prayers. I'm still pray for a miracle for the mass to disappear.
I'm going to do a little back tracking. Ralph and I were in a hit and run accident back in August, 2011. It injured my feet and back and we went through extensive therapy for about eight months. In those long eight months, I gained all the weight and then some that I had lost when we initially began walking. Unable to regain my physical strength in my feet our walks had discontinued. With the help of an oscillating exercise machine, I've recovered a lot of my mobility but hadn't gone back to our walking.
In January, 2012, I almost lost my life from a reaction to medication I was taking for what I thought was the flu...it scared me so much, it prompted me to make many changes. One of them was getting back to walking our pets so I pushed myself to walk despite my injury. Now, as long as I walk on a level surface, I can walk daily and our puppies need to be walked. I went from 15 minutes on the treadmill to 1 hour daily and we walk our dogs every morning on the Bicentennial trail. I've lost over 50 lbs. and feel so much better.
While it has been a combination of many things that have brought me to where I am today, looking back I realize our decision to save the two sets of puppies have been a Godsend. I am so blessed to be able to walk them everyday and a blessing to care for them. We may have thought we saved them...but I know they saved me.
Later...a picture of who I think are Peggy Sue's and Punkin's parents...found it on the wall of our pets animal care clinic...wait and see!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)